Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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