Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
