I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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