You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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