Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Randomize
