I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
