Plan B is the new Plan A
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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