I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
