I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
