have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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