Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
