Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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