just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
