Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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