If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
