I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
