Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
