Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I smell like Dick and happiness
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
