my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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