She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize