I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
