I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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