We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
