You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
