Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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