Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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