yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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