you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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