Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
