Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
