Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you would pick up someone in the library
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
