I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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