You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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