where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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