its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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