Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Still dying that you shit outside
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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