okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
