She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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