bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
