my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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