When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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