My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
