STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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