i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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