This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
