In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
