do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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