The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
