My sheets look like a crime scene.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
