Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
