I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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