I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
