i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
