Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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