You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
