the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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