He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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