His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
thus making me awesome and them whores
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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