my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
