i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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