I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize