Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
