he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
