i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
